Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
