Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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