we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
