I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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