I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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