Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
