He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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