Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
