I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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