I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
