i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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