if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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