I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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