OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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