My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
