why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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