"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
