17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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