I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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