i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize