Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
