At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
