it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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