It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
