Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
