I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
