You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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