Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
