Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
