who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
