Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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