I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
pop tarts are not kleenex
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
