Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
