the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
