In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
