I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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