Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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