and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
