I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
