There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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