awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
