You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
