So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
