I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
