Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
