Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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