can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize