im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
