Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
