Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
