you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
