Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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