At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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