I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
