I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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