Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize