He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
