just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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