i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize