Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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