Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize