I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
