pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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