yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
