I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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