Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
