I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
