I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
